Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
