i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
