one two three fourrrrnication!
where does the pee come out of this thing
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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