and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
