that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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