I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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