U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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