He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
