I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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