And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
