I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
