Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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