I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so let's talk penis.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
