oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
