i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
