I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
