I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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