One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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