I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
