What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
