Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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