Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
