Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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