I am in a vortex of obligation.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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