shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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