I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
