I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
