I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
