Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
