What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
