make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
