Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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