hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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