Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
