no, he came in my armpit
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
