haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
