I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
