i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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