Grow some girl-balls and come out already
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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