p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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