Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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