he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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