i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
