dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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