do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
