How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
