Got a toothbrush?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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