So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
