Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
