So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
