i wish starbucks made bloody marys
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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