I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
