They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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