So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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