my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
